On first anniversaries and 30th birthdays...

Today we celebrated Auctus' first birthday - quite a milestone I suppose. As someone who has celebrated his milestone (read 30th) birthday less than a week ago, I can tell you that both days have been uncannily similar.

The follow up to birthdays is always exciting. The mind conjures images of "fundamental changes" that the birthday is supposed to transpire - quite akin to new year resolutions. For weeks I had been planning that in the new year (of my life,) I would wake up an hour earlier everyday, exercise more frequently, be more productive at work, refresh those bits of theory which have gone rusty, be nicer to friends and family and so on. Added to this anticipation of fundamental change are the expectations of how the actual birthday will be celebrated - surprises from the spouse and parents, maybe an indulgence or two capped by a nice meal and maybe an expensive drink that requires a special occasion to be drunk.

The anticlimax begins right at the beginning of the birthday. Somehow, as one wakes up, the day seems ridiculously similar to every other day. The spouse, parents and close friends to their duty - cheerful happy birthdays, a gift-wrapped pack or two and five minute calls where most of the conversation veers around good-natured but not-serious demands for parties and "What else is happening?" Duty done, the spouse goes to work, the parents finish their calls and the friends go back to their daily grinds. It is not long before the anticipatory excitement in one's own mind is taken over by thoughts of decks to be closed, logistics to be tied up and groceries to be bought. The special meal and drink end up being less exciting too - There are only so many restaurants in Whitefield (and by dinner time, I am not excited enough to drive elsewhere) and all the appetizing items on the menu have already been tried and tasted. The anti-climax continues over to the next day - One realizes that one's body clock has scant regard for one's resolutions and prefers to wake up at the accustomed hour (or even later, leveraging the previous night's drink as an excuse.) The "fundamental change" remains as elusive as ever.

Today, Auctus' first birthday, was quite similar. The morning was spent on work and in the afternoon some of us met up, ate some indifferent overpriced buffet food, had a few beers and went home - Indistinguishable from any other "work party" we have ever had in Auctus and our previous companies. The typical "fundamental changes" one expects out of one's company - valuation jumps, streamlined processes, improved work-life balance, better and more entrenched clients etc. did not even cross our minds (if they did, they went unexpressed.)

If you have read this far, I owe you an explanation on why I am sending this mail - It is because I just looked at my head in the mirror. It is not long ago that I could count the grey hairs on my head, but they seem to have multiplied to a point that I can count them no more. I also seem to have resigned to the fact that the bulge in my midriff will not grow back. There will be no more first interview, first job, first client, first salary, first bonus, first presentation, first sell, first promotion, first project to manage, first start-up (first date...) It is not long ago that I lived driven by the ambitious anticipation of these many "firsts." Today I seem to be driven by the conviction that in most situations, I will be able to draw parallels with some similar situation from the past. I guess this is what happens when one grows old - ambition is replaced by conviction; raw and unstable growth potential is replaced by stable foundations for steady growth (of course, till the level of one's incompetence!). Slowly the realization dawns that real growth happens unnoticed while we keep chasing fundamental growth multiples.

It is uncannily similar with Auctus. Today was no different than yesterday. It will hardly be different tomorrow. But it is fundamentally different from where it was a year back. No-one looks upon us as a start-up any more. Other consulting firms seem to have heard of us and our clients. Top notch IIT / IIM folks (and BITS & XL folks :-)) regularly contact us for opportunities. That slide in our pitch document with client logos is getting increasingly crowded. We have entrenched clients who trust us implicitly - and some of them have been cultivated just over the last one year. We are growing our offices (just today we moved from a one-seater to a two-seater in Bangalore) and team. During HR interview rounds, we seem to spend less time introducing the company - candidates seem to know much more than they did a few months ago. The seeming indifference on our first anniversary seems to hide an invigorating truth - The fact that this day will come was a foregone conclusion in all our minds. I suspect our 5th anniversary will be similarly mundane. Our focus will remain on making Auctus Advisors a "fundamentally better company" and we will have little time to celebrate the steady improvements we have made everyday. I fervently hope that is this way.

It is one of those rare occasions when pedestrian truisms actually seem to make some sense - "It is the journey that matters!"

Happy first anniversary to Auctus Advisors!